So I've never realized that World Cancer Day is held every February 4th. Guess it never crossed my radar in my busy "doesn't apply to me" prior life. But as the husband said the other day, "Our lives changed forever on January 2, 2014." Yes, it did but we choose our path not cancer.
It really feels as though a year has passed in the last month. Maybe the shock of the diagnosis has finally worn off? All the anxiety of the unknown has subsided after receiving the test results? Now I'm settling in with what needs to be done to get the husband treated, keep him healthy and support him in this journey.
I've learned a few things in this past month. For one, people deal with the diagnosis of cancer in many different ways. One is no more right than another. For me, I am goal oriented. I see the problem, now let's work on the solution. Plus my almost 15 years of criminal justice work has taught me how to deal with really bad stuff without emotion. Does that make me appear cold at times, yes, it does. But it works for me. Do I have meltdowns? Of course! But because people don't know what is going on behind closed doors, some have felt I'm not handling the situation "appropriately". Appropriate by who's standards? Is there a handbook on cancer that I've overlooked?
Another thing I learned is those diagnosed with cancer are poked, prodded, stuck, measured and all around jacked with relentlessly. Though it's necessary, it takes a toll on the patient. The husband is SO tired of seeing doctors and taking tests. His frustration is warranted. I wish I could take his place at times. Okay, maybe for like the urine test. I could handle that one for sure! And along with all the tests are all the questions from family and friends. It becomes exhausting repeating the same thing over and over but we know everyone just wants to know the latest thus the blog!!
I find it's hard for people to know what to say especially the first time you see them after they've heard the "news". You see it on their face. I wish I could just put them out of their misery. There are no magic words. For me, if you think you need to say something, just say you've been thinking of or praying for us. That works for me. Then we can move on to normal talk. Normal talk is the best!
Yep, our lives are forever changed. Cancer has invaded our space but it does not define who we are. We are and will forever be Crazy M.