The Great Coon Removal

As I was getting ready for work yesterday morning, I heard Diesel going crazy in the yard.  Usually, it means either the cat is near the fence or someone has his toy.  I went to the backdoor to see what the commotion was all about.  He was barking up at a tree.  I thought maybe Miss Kitty was up it or another cat.  They've done it once before but it usually only takes once to learn the yard is not a favorable area.  I looked up in the tree and saw a raccoon.  Ugh.  I didn't have time for this.  I told Diesel to leave it alone.  He didn't want any part of it.  I finished getting ready and left.

I was hoping during the heat of the day, when the dogs go under the porch to stay cool, the coon would make a quick departure.  I called the Husband on my way home to see if he had seen it before leaving for work.  He said he didn't know anything about it.  The dogs acted normal when he left.  Good, I thought, the coon must have made it out.

Unfortunately, that did not occur.  When I pulled up the drive, Diesel and Lucky were under the tree.  I knew the coon was still there.  It was going on 12 hours since I had seen it there.  No tellin' how much longer it had been there before I found it.  I had to do something about it.

First I got the dogs out of the yard.  I put them in the stock trailer and left the yard gate open.  I hoped once the dogs were out of the area, the raccoon would decide to leave.  After watching from inside the house, I realized this was not working.

Then I looked online to see what a raccoon would eat.  It said nuts, berries, pretty much anything and peanut butter.  So I put some peanut butter on a piece of bread and put it lower in the tree.  Surely, this would entice it to come down.  And I waited.....nope.

By this time, I called the Husband to inform him the coon was still here.  We discussed some options and I told him I would try water.  So I put the nozzle on the hose and sprayed the coon.  I think he was just enjoying the pleasant cold water.  I'm sure it was a welcomed relief after sitting in the top of the tree all day in the 100 degree weather.  He didn't budge.

Okay, at this point I started throwing things at it in the tree.  Not the best idea since the stuff got caught in the branches!

Next bright idea, get the ladder and sorting stick.  Yep, I hauled the ladder out of the barn to the tree.  Took my sorting stick and poked the sucker.  Well, that just made him mad and bite the stick.  I envisioned him scurrying down that stick and eatin' my face off.  About this time, the Husband calls for an update.  I advise him I'm on a ladder jabbin' the monster with a stick.  He's (the Husband) not real happy since I'm the biggest klutz in the area.  He asked me to please not fall off the ladder.  Yea, I'll try not to.

I'm gettin' pretty perturbed with the situation.  I have given this dang thing every opportunity to leave my tree in a nice orderly fashion and he's snubbed his nose at me.  I pull out the next best thing, the hot shot.  So now I'm on top of the ladder with the hot shot trying to teach this bad boy a lesson.  But instead of going down the tree, he just goes around the top of the tree.  Like an idiot, I chase him.  Moving the ladder to each side, climbing up, giving him a shock, climbing down, moving it around.  I wore myself out.

The Husband calls again for another update.  I tell him the situation has not changed.  We're just both a little more pissy than before.  I don't want to shoot the stupid thing but he needs to get out of my tree!  Well we decide on the next best thing, I'll shoot it with rat shot.  That will surely get it down.

So I head outside with the .22 rifle.  Take aim as best I can thru all the branches and shoot.  At first I didn't even think I really hit it.  But then, it fell out of the tree....DEAD.  All that effort to keep from killing it and I killed it anyhow.

The Husband couldn't believe that the rat shot did it in.  I told him I'm just a dead eye.  Now he's calling me Davy Crockett.  He asked if I was gonna skin it out for a hat.  I told him well, no, it would be full of holes!

I'm hoping no other coons try to take their chance in our yard.  They won't get as many chances next time!